Shared custody and the Holidays

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For the first time ever, I will be spending Christmas alone due to the COVID-19 restrictions in Quebec. Not only that, but my kids will be with their father on Christmas, from December 24^th at night to January 1st. Shared custody is difficult in itself but I have to admit that it will be difficult during the Holidays. If you will be stuck in the same situation, here are a few self-care tips to help you go through Christmas alone.

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Change your mindset

My parents separated when I was 7 years old. They had shared custody of my sister and me.

For me, it meant more bedrooms, more gifts, and more Christmas dinners. As a kid, the Holidays meant that I could see my cousins that I didn’t see for the rest of the year and play for hours with them (and go to bed extra late), whether we were raiding our grandma’s closet, playing board games, or watching Christmas movies while eating way too many sweets.

I know it’s hard not to have your children with you but think of all the memories they will make with the other side of their family. This is very important for their childhood. Instead of focusing on you being alone, focus on how much fun they will have.

Relax

Take a nap! Take a bath with bubbles and a glass of wine (or better yet, Prosecco!). Light some candles. Put on a beauty mask. Chill, mom! Being a parent is hard on your body, so don’t feel bad about taking some time for yourself. Do whatever you usually don’t have time to do.

Spend time with loved ones, virtually

Whether it’s dinner with your relatives or a holiday party with your friends, just because you are alone physically doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t spend time with people you love.

If you are looking for game ideas for your virtual party, a fellow blogger, Mirriam Dictionary, wrote a post with great suggestions.

For instance, I live alone; my fiancé is in the US and I’m in Canada. We still have video calls every night and we play video games together when I’m not busy taking care of my kids.

On the 24^th, I will have a virtual Christmas lunch with my grandpa, as he lives alone too. My sisters and mom will join us as well.

On the 25^th, I will be spending the day online with my fiancé. I’m still not sure if we’re going to play World of Warcraft all day, finish my game of Kingdom Hearts III or watch movies but I won’t be feeling lonely that much.

Of course, I would prefer to have him here and go visit my family, but I’d rather protect my grandparents’ health and skip this year than have them getting sick.

Do something you’ve always wanted to do

Start crocheting, learn a new language, read a book, do some meal prep, take online courses, work on your household budget, try some DIY projects, finish a video game. If you take time to work on something constructive, your mind will be too busy on this new skill than feeling miserable.

Shared custody is exactly the reason why I started my blog in the first place. I thought that doing something would make me feel better than staying in bed and crying all night all the time (don’t get me wrong, I cry all the time for all the reasons. It’s okay to let it out of your system. But doing something with a purpose helps my mental health).

Have a video call with your babies

If you are on somewhat good terms with your ex, you can ask them to have a video chat with your kids. Actually, you can do that anytime, especially if it’s hard for your kids to be away from you, but during the Holidays, they will have all these exciting stories to tell you.

These 5-10 minutes with your kids will make you feel less alone, and you’ll be able to at least wish them a Merry Christmas.

You can even read them a holiday story if your ex is not on a tight schedule. For ideas, you can head over to this post or choose one below:

• How The Grinch Stole Christmas, by Dr. Seuss
• A Charlie Brown Christmas, by Charles M. Schulz
• Disney’s: Winnie the Pooh’s Christmas, by Bruce Talkington
• Bear Stays Up For Christmas, by Karma Wilson
• A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens

Silver linings

The COVID-19 gives you an amazing excuse to delay the gift unwrapping session if your gifts will be late. I ordered my kids’ gifts in late November/early December, hoping to get them by Christmas. However, I might not get some of them before December 31^st.

For this reason, I told my kids that Santa will be late in our home because he has to sanitize his hands, the presents, and his sleigh after every house he visits, which will delay his gift deliveries in our home.

Also, if you take some time to rest, you will be fully re-energized to take care of your little ones after the Holidays. That’s a plus, right?

The holidays are very different this year, especially in Quebec, where we are literally not allowed to visit our relatives as most of the province is in a red alert zone. If you have shared custody of your kids, you are not alone in this situation. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to someone. If you don’t have anyone, you can always DM me on Facebook or Instagram.

From my family to yours, happy holidays. Let’s hope 2021 will be a kickass year (I mean, it can’t get worse, can it?). Stay safe and take care.